Goodbye to this URL

Okay, I've been having some problems adding my site to ringsurf..so in hopes of getting rid of the problem i have to make a new site, and sorta start over...so please click HERE for my NEW SITE ;)

PILLS, Yummy Pills

Not in a good mood at all...Everything is Shit.
I took 1.5 mg of ativan last night along with .50 of xanex and 50 mg of serquel...
my hope for this was i would just fall into some sorta coma...it didn't work...i was up at 7 am. SHIT. I guess it wasn't enough but i fell asleep before i could go for more.
so now i'm depressed and pissed.
No one bother me today..not in the mood to HEAR from ANYONE....

i dont know if i'm depressed or what but my mind is fuzzy right now.

Fuzzy Thoughts....

I'm really liking this yahoo 360 thing. I just wish i had more friends on it...If you have yahoo 360 feel free to add me my yahoo id is alwayz_blu. I have a lot of things to do today. I need to go get my blood work done for my medication check. I haven't done that yet and its been 2 weeks already!! SHH please dont tell anyone..
I have had a lot on my mind lately, and have very little time to really put any thought into my "friends or family"..sorry if it seems i have been ignoring you IRL. i haven't. Just a lot in my head, a lot of fuzzy thoughts i'm trying to keep straight. (david,sarah,stef i hope you understand)..Being on the computer is the only thing that gets my mind off my problems and I dont think about much anything while i'm on it..its sorta my "escape" I guess. I'm such a Internet Junkie. *LOL*

Love everyone!!

"alwayz_blu"

Teacher's Workday

Well, alot has been going through my mind lately and I decided to Go back to the Generic layouts..Its a nice change of pace anyway.With that, I did away with Haloscan for my commenting needs and just went with blogger's comments.

I feel so bad today I sent my son off to school only to have him come back and say, Today is a teacher's workday! *LOL* i tottally forgot about teacher's workday. I was so looking for a good nap and just have a day with me and Austin. (Tre is still with my mom for now because the kids fight so bad, and I really can't handle them when they are like that)

The only thing I got for my birthday was a bottle of Avon Perfume from my mom, I forgot the name of it because I am lazy and its in the other room. ;) anyways everyone have a wonderful day!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!

Well I guess my son's surgery went okay, I had to leave early and let my mom stay there because My oldest son is getting out of school soon. It was so difficult to get his clothes off and that hospital gown on. They had cars, dinosours and power rangers for him and his twin brother to play with while they were putting on his bracelets, giving him some meds to relax him while we wait...and wait..*lol*
finally! they came and got him and carried him off to the O.R.

So we will see. :D

no Birthday plans for me. I guess thats normal as you get older.

20 things about meme

Here is my 20 Things about meme


1. I have bipolar disorder with anxiety
2. I have been in a mental institution two times this year.
3. I have 3 beautiful boys.
4. I'm also a single parent.
5. I'm a bad speller
6. Yet, I love Poetry and write poetry often.
7. If you know my whole name you could look me up on Poetry.com
8. My life is an open book.
9. I do have a few secrets thats hidden away.
10. I love it when its dark outside.
11. October is my favorite month
12. My Birthday is on the 21st of October.
13. My Favorite color is Pink
14. I listen to all kinds of music
15. I'm addicted to the internet
16. I'm single because I choose to be.
17. My medicine makes me sleep alot
18. My parents still won't let me grow up
19. I'm a recovering alcoholic
20. There is a nat flying around my computer screen.

nintendo dreams

Good Morning,!
I woke up at 6:40 AM this morning to the sounds of my son-shine playing his Nintendo game in his room and he was already on World 4 of Super Mario 3!!!..I bought him the "regular nintendo" for his room and I told him once he gets profecient with that and takes care of it would i buy him either a game cube or PS2 but not until then...well I dunno what to do now, He is playing TOO much. I think he dreams Mario bros. *lol*
I really can't say nothin' when i was just a few years older than him, I did the same thing but I NEVER played like this on a school night.
I'm thinkin i should just take the nintendo out of his room every night..its not that hard its like 2 plugs to be unpluged from the machine.

say cheese Skinny kids.

Jane, Thanks for the advice actually i found a size for my 6 year old its a 4 slim!!! *LOL* yes he is SKINNY..Just gotta find the rightsize for my 3 year old skinny lil monster he is *LOL*
his twin tho. can fit perfectly in size 3's and can even get into a 4t. (go figure)

I think I know what i'm going to save up for next.....I want a digital camara..I love taking pictures ;D and i would love to take pics of my lil munsters for yall to see.
i mean i have some on my fliker acct. but those are a little old. its time for new pics of the kiddos and different things. :D

Skinny kids

Question: Is there a place where they sell Clothes for Toddlers and Small Children that are Really small in the waist, yet long for their age? for example, here is my problem. 2 of my children are really skinny my 6 year old can fit into a 3T but its pants aren't long enough. My 3 year old can wear 18-month clothes but yet the same problem b/c they are both on the tall side yet they are skinny....Where would be the best place for me to buy clothes for them, i'm at the point where i'm willing to spend a little extra money for their clothes......HELP!

my children.....and eye surgery

I love my kids. I didn't realize how much i loved all 3 of them until this weekend. I've spent time away from Austin before but for some reason. I miss him more now than i ever have. I think I have finally started bonding with him. He is a lot like me. He even looks like my family while the other 2 looks like their father's family...

anyway,
I have adjusted my dosage, my dr. said it would be fine if it works for me..I don't take my A.M. drugs in the A.M. exactly I don't take them until around noon..that way the other medicine is well out of my system. I take my night meds around 9 or so. and I took zoloft tonight for the first time, I had been debating on whether to start it at night or morning but i remember how it made me loose my appitite so much before i barely even drank any fluids so i figure if i take it at night that way for the most part I would be asleep during the worst part of that symptom. I'm pretty educated when it comes to taking medications..if it is something I don't know I am quick to look it up.

Next Friday is my birthday! But I may not be able to celebrate cuz my lil baby boy Tre has to go get eye surgery done on that day, I just hope everything goes okay.

sleep deprived thoughts

Parents finally going out for their anniversary, they are headed out of town.
Me and my neace is slowly talking but its going to take a lot for her to win my trust back.


I need to slow down on the caffine maybe then I'll be able to pull myself away from the computer long enough to get some descent sleep...? aaaahhh, maybe not!

6 more days till my birthday!

back online again

PHEWW! i finally made it back online..for awhile i didn't think i was coming back.
with some help from my friends and family here i am back online.
over a month ago, i was admitted to the Institute of Pyschiatry Downtown Charleston, SC....i spent a week there because I was so depressed I didn't trust myself and i could barely get out of bed. My dad took me to the hosptial when i started talking about how i felt that i was better off dead.
That was the second time I had to be admitted in the hosptial this year, the first time was when i over dosed on Prescription medication.
I'm currently taking Tegretol, Seraquel (sp?),Visteral and Zoloft is now being started as soon as i get a way to the pharmacy and some money for my meds....

Some particular guys that USE to be part of my life is trying to come back in namely Scott but i won't let it..... he dumped me twice too many and left me lookin like a fool. I may talk to him online but i'm not even going to visit him in person...i can't trust a person like that.
actually, i don't want to date anyone...i'm not ready...i have too many problems already brewing that would be adding fuel to the fire....it would be too stressful for me to be in a relationship at this time...ya know.???